the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
