Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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