You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
