Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
