Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
