Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
