Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
