but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
