life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
