He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
