Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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