I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
