It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
