Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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