end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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