So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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