Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
