How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
