you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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