Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
