I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
