i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
