wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
