he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
