summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
