I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
