in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
