Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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