just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Actions speak louder than pants.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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