speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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