Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
