mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
