my phone needs a breathalizer
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
