apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
