I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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