Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
