i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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