Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
