why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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