I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
