Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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