someone owes me an orgasm
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
