and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
