He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
