so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
