i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
