so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
