btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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