We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
