Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
