You're so nebulous sometimes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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