Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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