he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
