You can't special order awesome
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
