she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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