She said her name was "party"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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