North Korea, Best Korea!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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