there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
