I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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